it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
