you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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