I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
