the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
