she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
