a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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