How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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