my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
