I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
