I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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