Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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