i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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