Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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