Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
