I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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