Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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