woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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