Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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