JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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