Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
