I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
