I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
