Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
