batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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