I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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