At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
