Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
