I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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