hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
This is my gift to your gina
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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