wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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