I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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