This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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