Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
