"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
