You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
