Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
