my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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