I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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