Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
birth control should be required to get into college
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
