he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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