I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
im about as happy as oj after his trial
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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