no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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