Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
