I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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