either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
