I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
