went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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