please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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