can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Four minutes until I can fart!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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