I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
