ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
