3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
