My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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