your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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