I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
