yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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