Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize