Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
