Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
