guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
