What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So much Jack, so little girl.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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