He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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