Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
