dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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