I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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