I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
