ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
