Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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