Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
