:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
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