I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
