I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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